How the Church Can Love Them Too.

New book on Neurodivergence in a Church setting. I will publish each chapter here as it is written before publishing the whole book on-line.

Please note, this is the unpolished article – the book is still being edited.

Chapter 2. How Neurodivergence Shows Up in Church Life

Neurodivergence is not always visible. Many people imagine it looks like obvious behavioural differences or dramatic moments, yet in reality it often appears quietly, subtly and in ways that are easy to misunderstand. Churches are full of routines, expectations and social norms that feel natural to some people but confusing or overwhelming to others. When a person processes the world differently, these ordinary moments can become significant challenges.

This chapter explores how neurodivergence commonly shows up in church life. It is not a list of problems. It is a way of helping churches recognise what they may already be seeing, so that they can respond with compassion rather than confusion.

1. Communication Differences

Churches rely heavily on spoken communication. Sermons, prayers, notices, conversations over coffee and instructions from leaders all assume that people can process speech quickly and intuitively. For many neurodivergent people, this is not the case.

Some process language more slowly and need time to understand what is being said. Others take words literally and may miss implied meaning or unspoken expectations. Some struggle to follow long sermons without visual support. Others find metaphorical or poetic language difficult to interpret. A person with ADHD may drift in and out of focus, not because they are uninterested, but because their attention system works differently. A person with auditory processing difficulties may hear the words but not be able to make sense of them in a noisy room.

These differences can lead to misunderstandings. A person who does not respond immediately may be seen as rude. Someone who asks for clarification may be thought difficult. A person who avoids small talk may be judged as unfriendly. In reality, they are simply communicating in the way their brain works.

2. Sensory Differences

Church environments are often full of sensory stimulation. Music, lighting, movement, crowds, heating systems, projectors and background noise all create a rich sensory landscape. For some people this is energising. For others it is overwhelming.

A person with sensory sensitivity may find the worship band painfully loud. Bright lights may feel harsh. The smell of coffee or perfume may be distracting or nauseating. A crowded foyer may feel chaotic. A child may cover their ears or hide under a chair. An adult may slip out of the service to recover from overload. These are not signs of disrespect. They are signs of a nervous system working hard to cope.

Other neurodivergent people experience sensory seeking. They may move, fidget, rock or stim (self-stimulatory behaviour) to regulate their bodies. They may need to touch objects or pace during worship. These behaviours are often misunderstood, yet they are healthy ways of managing sensory input.

3. Social Differences

Churches are social spaces. They are built on relationships, conversation, shared meals and group activities. For many neurodivergent people, social interaction can be confusing, tiring or unpredictable.

Some struggle with eye contact or facial expressions. Others find group conversations difficult to follow. Some prefer deep one to one conversation rather than casual chat. Others need time alone after social interaction to recover. A person may appear withdrawn, yet they are simply conserving energy. Another may speak passionately about a topic they love, unaware that others are unsure how to respond.

Social norms in church can be particularly challenging. Expectations such as greeting others, joining group prayers, participating in discussions or sharing testimonies can feel overwhelming. When these expectations are not met, people may be judged as unspiritual or disengaged, when in fact they are doing their best.

4. Emotional Regulation Differences

Many neurodivergent people experience emotions intensely. Joy, frustration, anxiety, excitement and sadness can all be felt more strongly and expressed more visibly. This can lead to moments that others find surprising or difficult to interpret.

A child may have a meltdown when overwhelmed. An adult may shut down and become silent. A teenager may leave the room suddenly. These responses are not choices. They are the mind and body’s way of coping with overload. Emotional regulation differences can also affect prayer, worship and group activities. A person may struggle to join in, not because they lack faith, but because their emotional system is already stretched.

5. Executive Functioning Differences

Executive functioning refers to skills such as planning, organising, remembering, transitioning between tasks and managing time. Many neurodivergent people find these skills challenging.

This can affect church life in practical ways. A person may forget a rota, arrive late, lose track of notices or struggle with last minute changes. They may find it difficult to follow multi step instructions or to switch quickly from one activity to another. These challenges are often misinterpreted as laziness or lack of commitment. In reality, the person may be trying extremely hard.

6. Behaviour That Is Misunderstood

When neurodivergent behaviour is interpreted through a moral or spiritual lens, harm is done. A child who moves constantly may be labelled disruptive. An adult who avoids eye contact may be seen as dishonest. A person who asks many questions may be thought argumentative, or worse, unintelligent. A worshipper who leaves the service may be judged as disengaged.

These interpretations are painful and unnecessary. Behaviour is communication. When churches learn to see behaviour through a neurological lens, they begin to understand the person behind the action.

7. Hidden Struggles

Many neurodivergent people mask their differences in church. They work hard to appear calm, attentive, sociable or organised. Masking is exhausting. It can lead to burnout, anxiety and a sense of spiritual failure. A person may appear fine on the outside while struggling deeply on the inside.

Churches often see the mask, not the person. They see the effort, not the cost. They see the behaviour, not the battle.

8. The Opportunity for the Church

When churches recognise how neurodivergence shows up in everyday life, they gain the opportunity to love people more fully. Understanding leads to compassion. Compassion leads to change. Change leads to belonging.

This chapter is not intended to diagnose or categorise. It is intended to help churches see what they may have missed. Neurodivergent people are already present in every congregation. They are already part of the Body of Christ. They are already loved by God.

The question is whether the Church will learn to love them in ways that honour how they experience the world.

In the next chapter we will explore the hidden struggles neurodivergent people face in church settings and why these struggles often remain unseen.

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© Richard J Kirk – 2026. If you want to know more, see: About Me…

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